Let's rewind a bit, to this previous weekend as I was making my way to a reiki session, and I heard some really powerful words. After a good session with some help from Sour Diesel, I found myself blasting music and singing along, allowing feelings of excitement and happiness to wash over me. Prior to this moment I was in a different state, not too far off but feeing effects from trying to fight off inner demons. With undivided attention, I am able to feel myself drop into a state of being present and grounded. As I am working on processing all the thoughts and feelings that are coming up, I suddenly hear very loudly "this is your year, 2024 is your year for healing and all those wounds you carry around are going to heal up beautifully".
I’m usually a flower type of gal when it comes to cannabis preferences. Lately I’ve been mixing it up and ripping dabs like it’s going out of style. It hits me differently and I notice myself swerving in and out of different visions faster than I can grasp. After looking back and reflecting, I believe this may be the cause of some deep healing taking place. I take note at the many things that may be causing this experience such as a recent reiki session to help realign all my chakras. Also, a lot of astrological assistance with Mercury in retrograde and the energy from a major solar eclipse. Combine these forces with the power of THC and you have a date with an out of this world experience.
After tonight's session I felt the need to lay down almost immediately. Once all tucked into bed, I begin to place my hands over my solar plexus, as thoughts cross my mind telling me to focus on what brings me joy. I begin to focus on a few things that light me up, and I can't help but smile with each new thought. My mind begins to shift, I start to imagine myself on a podcast and as I am speaking to the listeners, I am describing myself with such enthusiasm and confidence. I recognize this is my imagination at play which leads me to the feeling as if I am tapping into my inner child. This sensation of panic washes over me and I become frozen with fear. Suddenly I start to feel my heart rate increase and my breathing becomes rapid. The rate at which I can feel my blood circulating leaves me feeling as if I might get sick. "I am just going a little too deep, too fast" are the thoughts crossing my mind as I try to control my breathing with each inhale and exhale. In this moment I am not quite sure what else to do besides breathe and tell myself on repeat "you are okay". I hear something tell me that I am feeling this way because I am misaligned, and as I come back to the present moment, I notice that I begin to move my hands over to my sacral chakra. and I stay here for a few deep breaths before making my way down to the root chakra.
During this time, I begin to question myself with the thoughts of "who do you think you are?". Confidence has always been rocky for me, and quite honestly, I dislike that. I admire people who can wear confidence like a badge of honor. These feelings come up on a constantly and tonight we work on addressing them. Something in me shifts, I begin to speak to myself with positive affirmations such as "I am strong" and "I am beautiful". I also hear the words "you are so capable baby". Words I need to hear as I am my own worst critic and doubt a lot of the actions that I take. I take note on a realization that while I was growing up, I never really had someone I could trust, someone who would listen to me and comfort me, to tell me everything was going to be okay. As an adult I realize I am capable of providing this for myself. There is no longer a need for outside validation when I hold the key inside. Healing is creating such a space of vulnerability for me and its extremely nerve wracking yet empowering at the same time. I continue to lay here and allow whatever thoughts are lingering to flow in and out with ease as I drift off to sleep.
In the past I had a really good understanding of chakras and felt fully connected to mine. I somehow lost that feeling and knowledge after becoming a mother. I recognize that I have forgotten a lot of things, and it's almost as if I am re-learning how to live under different circumstances. Quite frankly this is not far off, my entire world has been flipped upside down. Everything I once knew, now feels so distant. Maybe this is because I am welcoming in my authentic self, the best version of me and I am not used to sitting with that. So here is to healing the wounds I have carried along with me, the next chapters of my life do not require them. May my inner being mirror mother nature, and as she begins to blossom so might I.
Until the next session my friends,
xoxo,
Brandy